Sunday, May 1, 2011

I Will, Tomorrow


This word is often the cause of failure in so many things. "I will start my diet tomorrow," "I will be better tomorrow," "I will tell her/him 'I love you,' tomorrow." The problem with tomorrow, is there is almost always some reason to put 'it' off again, at least until "tomorrow." By saying "tomorrow," we are effectively giving ourselves one more day to "be bad" or to not do as we should do, today. The only word worse than "tomorrow" when we are striving to change, is "on Monday." Because "on Monday" can give us up to a whole other week to slack off. Perhaps that is why people fail to achieve, perhaps it is why I have failed in the past, is because I have put 'it' off until 'tomorrow.' Perhaps there is truth in the saying, "tomorrow never comes." We have to work in 'today' to have the joys of 'tomorrow.'

With that in mind, 'tomorrow' I start the exercise portion of my 5K training. And I am nervous and terrified. Self-doubt has made her ugly appearance, and boy is she nasty. But I am going to ignore her weak arguments. Just because I haven't gone and run in a long time, doesn't mean I cannot start. Just because I have been out of shape for years, doesn't mean I cannot get in shape now. My past being does not have to determine my future being, or my present being. I can choose to change my present self, and thus change the future.

I caught a glimmer of the future several weeks ago. I saw that if I were to continue my old course of poor eating habits, sedentary lifestyle, and self hate, I would find myself the victim of diabetes, stroke, heart disease, chronic depression, possibly wheelchair/bed-ridden, and unable to enjoy my life with my children and watch them grow up. I say victim, but I would, in reality, have been the perpetrator of my own nightmarish suffering. I knew that that was not the reality that I wanted for myself, or my kids. And so, I changed course, and by so doing, I am changing the future.

I now envision myself, running and not being weary. I see myself finishing races. I do not picture myself, at this time, Winning races, but finishing them. To finish a 5K would be a victory in itself for me. To not be last would be a triumphant victory.

And so, although self doubt has come to visit, I am refusing to let her stay. As a wise man, Jeffrey R Holland, recently said, "Like thieves in the night, unwelcome thoughts can and do seek entrance to our minds. But we don’t have to throw open the door, serve them tea and crumpets, and then tell them where the silverware is kept! Whatever thoughts you have, make sure they are welcome in your heart by invitation only."  Smart man.

"This Week"

I have a challenge to do, three times this week. The challenge is to do a "brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes." I am to do this on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, before beginning challenge #2 the following week. Although I am anxious, I refuse to let myself get carried away with thoughts of inability or weakness. It is hard, and tomorrow will be harder, but if it wasn't hard, where would the triumph be? What would be the victory of accomplishing something easy? And so I grab ahold of the hard trial, that I might enjoy the greater victory at the end of the struggle.

1 comment:

  1. Beautifully said! I'm still on the I'll start tomorrow....I just can't seem to must the energy. I'm so proud of you though.