Monday, September 12, 2011

Two More

Another two pounds down! Woohoo! Total loss is now 42 lbs. Feels great! I still have another 58 lbs to go, but that number is getting smaller and smaller. It's slow going, but I know why it is so slow. It's because sometimes I made poor choices in what I eat, and how much I exercise. That is my choice. I could sit here and lie to myself, "I have slow metabolism," or "after age 25, metabolism slows down," or any number of excuses that don't blame me. But the fact of the matter is that I have made choices that cause a slow weight loss. I own that choice, and I will confess up to it. I haven't been exercising like I should be either, which also causes a slow loss.

A friend of mine was talking to me the other day about how boring workout/exercise videos are. She was saying that she needed to do them with somebody, to make it more fun. Hey! I have the same issue! So we decided to meet three times a week and do a Richard Simmons tape that I have ( I have a few). Friday last week was our first day, and it went well. Today we met again, but after a really long weekend, with very little sleep, I was dragging. But I did it anyway, and I feel so much better for it. My friend asked what I did on Tuesdays and Thursdays (Monday, Wednesday and Friday are workout days), and I told her I was going to start do a yoga tape. Well, she wants to come do that too. Which is nice, I need the motivation that someone else is counting on me! So, it looks like this could be the start of something really good :D

Also, I wanted to say, I have been doing really well with my self-hate. I am learning to be kinder and more compassionate to myself. I would never speak to my friends, family, or even enemies the way that I speak to myself. And I figure, I have to live with myself for the rest of forever, I better learn to like myself! And that has been going pretty well of late. Until yesterday. Yesterday I started thinking about how I cared for my 6 year old back when she was a baby. I started feeling guilty about things (related to breastfeeding failure and post partum depression) and really started to beat myself up. As I sat there condemning myself, from inside I heard "why are you beating yourself up, when you did the best you could with what you had. You would never tell someone else in the same situation the things you are telling yourself. So stop it." And I stopped and thought about that. It's true. If someone else was going through the same things I went through, I would be encouraging and supportive, not hateful and spiteful. And so I started to reassure myself that I did everything I could. I did my best. My 6 year old is healthy, smart and thriving. She is loved and cared for. And she knows how much I love her. Those are the important things. I gave my all, and that has to be good enough.

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