Monday, September 26, 2011


I am really struggling today. It's been coming on for several days now, and today it finally has just hit me full on in the face.  After 6 urinary tract infections in 7 months, my Dr. referred me to a urologist. I met with this new Dr. last Friday. He agrees that something is not right, so has suggested a series of different tests and procedures to determine what it is. Some of the procedures feel, to me, very invasive.  I have discussed with two other doctors the recommended procedures, and they have agreed that these steps do seem necessary to find out what is going on. But, that does not still the anxiety and nervousness I feel. Thinking about the upcoming procedures fills me with dread and anxiety. And it's not like I can just stop thinking about it. Because I can't, I have tried. I know what these procedures entail, and I understand, to a degree, why these are necessary, but that doesn't quell the anxiety. And when I feel anxious or upset or overwhelmed or stressed, I tend to combat those feelings with food, or shopping. But since I don't want to eat my heart out, eat my fears out, eat my feelings out, and my wallet is pretty thin (and will be for the rest of the foreseeable future) I am feeling like I have nothing to combat these feelings. And so I continue to feel anxious and stressed, overwhelmed and upset.  And I want to feel better. I want it over already. But mostly, I just want my body back.

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