Prison

How I feel so trapped today. And yesterday, and the day before. I just feel so weighed down by everything. Things are just not what I want them to be, I am not who or what I want to be. And so I am trapped.

Trapped by things I cannot change.
Trapped by things I can.
Trapped by things I cannot do.
Trapped by things I have to do.
Trapped by things I don't want to do.
Trapped by things I should do.
Just trapped.

I have scoured the internet looking for quick fixes, fad diets, quick changes. But I give every single one over, before even starting, because I know it won't work. I know the 'theory' of weight loss. You know it too, "eat fewer calories than you burn, and exercise." But what does that really MEAN? How do you figure out how much you are eating? I am sure it would shock most of us to realize exactly how many calories we consume on a daily basis. You can enter your food journal into a nifty calorie counter, but are you really being honest with what you are entering. When you enter in that you had a hamburger, did you remember to count that it had gobs of mayonnaise and ketchup on it? If you put down that you had a bowl of ice cream, did you enter that it was 2 cups of ice cream, with chocolate sauce, whipped cream, and peanuts (half a cup of them?) So really, how accurate are those calorie counter things?

And exercise. How many of us truly enjoy the exercise? And who has the time? Yes, I am a stay at home mom, therefore I 'should' have tons of time (say those people who either a) do not have kids, or b) leave them in a daycare center) to take care of me. I watched the finale of the Biggest Loser recently. It's a good show, the premise is wonderful. However, one of the final contestants admitted that she spent 6 hours in the gym a DAY! Well, no wonder she lost all that weight! Is it any surprise? But what kind of a life is it to spend 25% of your day in a gym, a quarter of your life? I don't think that that is the kind of life I want. I'd rather be fat.

And so, what is a fat girl to do?