Why?

I am so tired of being chronically tired and in pain. Being so exhausted makes it difficult to feel up to fighting the health battle. I feel so weak. I feel lost. But I am determined to keep on trucking. Even though the ice cream in the freezer is calling my name, and making me promises of happiness. I know that that happiness isn't lasting, and it isn't even real happiness. It's just a temporary relief from feeling the anxiety, stress, and pain I feel. I don't like those feelings. I don't like feeling this way, but it is time to meet those feelings head on. Escaping from the pain hasn't made my life better, it's made it worse. So I figure, maybe facing up to the pain, maybe just letting myself feel it, will help it ease permanently. And maybe someday the emotional toll won't be so heavy.

Bottom line: No amount of pigging out and eating junk food will fix my problems, and it won't fix yours. The only thing that can change me, is me. The only thing I can change is me. And that goes for you too.

Another One Bites The Dust

Yes, one more pound down, for a total loss of 37 pounds. :D Take that! And, someone at a wedding reception yesterday noticed the weight loss, and commented on it to me. She told me how fabulous I looked, and how great I looked, etc. This is a person I really respect and admire, and she is so pretty. So it really felt good to hear it from her.

A New Day

So, June 18th I was supposed to participate in a 5K. I say supposed to, because I did not do it. The people I was supposed to do it with, bailed. Which is a pathetic reason to not do something you want to do. I mean really, think about it. I totally handed over my agency to an outside source. Which is something I harp on all the time. Are you getting healthy for you? or someone else. Obviously, I put too much faith on other people to pull me through an event, rather than on myself.  And so, I must pull myself back up by my bootstraps, and get back on board. Next 5K will be in November. Here's hoping that it is infinitely cooler then! Because today it hit 110 degrees. Yuck!

Invisible

I feel invisible of late. It is hard to stay on track when you feel like nobody but you cares about you. It is during those times when you have to really knuckle down and force yourself to continue to stay on target, just for YOU.  As I said earlier, getting fit/healthier/skinnier for anything, or anyone, but yourself, will not work. You have to do it yourself, for yourself. But knowing that does not necessarily make it easier. Often, I think, our biggest goal thwarters are ourselves. I think that WE often get in the way of OUR progress.

Rockin' Out

I count RockBand as exercise. I exercised for 2 hours yesterday on RockBand. I believe I can count it because a) I really get to wailing on the guitar and drums, and 2) I work up a sweat. I think that even if you are just singing, you can count it IF you dance around like a fool. And so I support advertisement of RockBand (1, 2 and 3) as a piece of your exercise regimen.

And as a side note, I have lost another pound. *Happy Dance* Down 36 lbs, now at 224.

35 Pounds

I went searching the internet to find out how much 35 pounds was, and I found a surprising number of images.
First, this fish weighs 35 pounds. I've lost this much:

Next, this cat:

 Third, this pet rabbit:

And finally, I have lost 35 of these one pound blocks of fat. Ew!

A Small Update

I didn't have too much to muse on today, but wanted to record that another pound has bitten the dust. That's 35 lbs down. Yay!

I also managed to take everybody on a walk to the park today, and while my brother watched the three oldest, the baby and I did a short walk around the park, maybe 30 minutes or so. It was very hot though. At 9 am this morning, it was already pushing 80 degrees. Yuck! But, I did it anyways. Then swung back around the playground and we walked home again.