Failure

Oh, I am feeling like such a failure here. I haven't run or done any exercise is two weeks, at least. Oh, how I hate to admit that out loud. I have my own excuses, but I can't help but feel that they are good enough.

The first week of May, I started experiencing a lot of pain in my muscles and joints, all over my body. I figured it was just soreness from running and maybe overdoing it. So I eased back a bit to let my body rest, so I didn't incur permanent or long-lasting damage. That pain has not gone away. In fact, it has gotten worse. I experience almost daily migraines now, and extreme fatigue and exhaustion. I am so tired, and often fall asleep in the afternoon, only to awaken more groggy and sore. When I wake up in the morning, I feel stiff and sore, and my bones feel like they are almost grinding they are so sore and stiff. I've done a few stretches before I go to bed, and after I awaken, but it doesn't seem to help. Around lunchtime, I start to feel a little better, but by the time naptime is over, I am thoroughly exhausted again. I don't know what is wrong exactly (I have my suspicions, below).  But I do know that it hurts. My hands, arms, back, neck, shoulders, legs, feet, etc. Everything just hurts.

In talking to my mother (who has it as well), and doing some internet research, we suspect that I may have fibromyalgia. There is no way to really diagnose it though, really it is a diagnosis of ruling out everything else. And seeing as there is no cure for it, I do not feel the need to undergo testing at this time. So this may very well be the new normal for me. In my researching, I have discovered that regular aerobic exercise is imperative to reducing the pain of fibromyalgia, and so I must get going again, if only to lessen the pain I feel.

I don't feel that maintaining my running schedule, at my current weight is a safe method of exercising for me right now. And so, I have returned to something that worked for me before. My dear friend, Richard Simmons. I know what you may be thinking about the chipper, crazy-haired, exercise guru in short shorts, but I love that guy. His exercise videos, I find, are motivational and inspiring. I believe that you can really feel his passion for health and fitness. A big part of his health 'program' is learning to love yourself, which I think most overweight people need help with. At any rate, I have ordered a couple of his videos "Dance Your Pants Off" and one that has 80s music on it (can't remember the title). Those should arrive in the mail shortly. So I plan on doing Richard Simmons workouts three times a week, and doing Yoga twice a week. The effects of fibromyalgia can be exacerbated by stress, so meditation and other mental stress reduction methods are encouraged.

So that is the new plan. Maybe it's not fair. Maybe I don't like it. But it is what it is, and it's what I have to live with. This is the new normal.